Your emotional focus will affect your relationship

Today I want you to think about how you approach different aspects of your day and your life.  Your emotional focus.

We all know if we turn up to work in a bad mood then mostly we will have a miserable day.  The day drags and parts of it can feel irritating!   A negative focus can give us a negative day.

How do you approach your relationship?

The same applies to your relationship.  If your focus is all about what is wrong with it you will spot the negatives.  The problem with this is it stops you seeing, and appreciating the positives.  If you expect bad things you will spot bad things!  This may seem obvious when seen written down and you are reading this.  But ask yourself What do I do day-to-day?”

Your relationship and what emotional state will give you different aspects to your life and have a massive effect on you and those around you.  If this is good then that’s great.  If it’s negative or defensive, or angry and dismissive then the results will be very different.

For example: Someone who returns home at the end of the day longing to be with their partner and is greeted with love, kindness and openness, is much more likely to be open and ready to discuss problems and issues, as well as the good stuff, than someone who returns home dreading being with their partner. Then even if they are greeted with the same love and kindness they are likely to miss this as their focus is on red alert for the bad stuff.

Emotions can be addictive

If your emotional state is by and large cross, angry, or defensive then ask yourself “What am I gaining by doing this?”  An emotional state is there for a reason –  it was initially – but has it become a habit?  Has the reason for that negative long since died?  Are you clinging to something your partner did or said just to give you a reason for being the way you are?  Who are you punishing by doing this?  You may feel justified but the punishment and pain are within you now.  You can choose to live with it or you can choose to find the meaning, accept it and look for a better emotion to give you more growth and understanding.

Learn how to change your emotional focus

Much of my work with clients is around understanding their emotional focus and then helping them create a more empowering focus where they learn how to become curious about other choices and opportunities.  None of us can change the past.  Issues happen.  It isn’t the issue that creates our future it’s how we take the issue and use it to create our future that makes the difference.  Our emotional focus.