You can become master of your emotions

So many people I see are not actually mastering their emotional responses to their partner.  They react to an event because they have created an automatic response to it.  They don’t bother – or don’t know how – to find out the truth.

So when their partner gets cross, frustrated or angry they defend or escalate the issue by getting angry as well.

This can then escalate as both become more emotional in their responses to each other.  They learn to bicker.  It’s immature, even childish, and childish behaviour has no place in a successful, passionate marriage.

So how do you find out if you are holding on to immature behaviours and if so how do you change them.

A great deal of the work I do with couples is helping them see and understand what they are doing to themselves by holding on to immature emotional responses and how to replace them with ones which will allow them to grow and mature.  To learn how to find out the truth of what their partner has said or done from their partner’s point of view – ie their true intent.

You see we each have our own way of expressing ourselves, but what we say may not be interpreted the way we mean.  What is needed here is for both of you to become curious and keen to learn rather than assume you know.  If what your partner has said has been interpreted by you in a negative way then before you react negatively become the detective and find out more.  Start by:

Always assuming your partner’s intent is NOT to hurt you.

This applies all the time – even when they are angry or frustrated.  This is the time not to criticise or defend.  This is the time to give emotional support and to listen to learn.  To take a step up from emotionally reacting by focusing on yourself to focusing on them at that moment and how you can become the solution rather than the problem.

Relationships collapse and die when people focus on themselves.  This binds them to very few solutions and usually leaves them feeling stuck.

Relationships grow when each partner learns how to master their emotions.

You can become master of your emotions once you learn how. You then need to practice to break the old outdated pattern you relied on before.

If you would like to learn how then get in contact.  It’s not as difficult as you may think.