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Will Marriage Coaching save my marriage?

Clients arriving for their initial session with me frequently ask me “Will marriage coaching save my marriage?”

The short answer is Yes and No!

Does Coaching always bring a couple back together? No, not always.

If the relationship is not supposed to last then it won’t.  Not all relationships should. Some couples arrive expecting some kind of miracle with very little involvement from them. The coach doesn’t have a magic wand! It also doesn’t work if the person or couple being coached is not willing to explore and learn and try out new behaviours.

The type of coaching I give in my sessions is designed to help the couple find out if they can become a team again. A team which is driven to meet the needs of each of them and a team driven to meet a shared goal and a desire to work together.

So many couples adopt a fingers-crossed approach to their marriage and have little or no concept of what they want from their marriage or each other.

They know they feel wrong but don’t know why

They don’t know why they feel the way they do, so they don’t know how to fix it.  How can they if they don’t know the root cause of what’s happening around them.

In some cases, one partner may decide they need space. Space can mean different things to different people. So the one left to deal with the request then reacts by giving  ‘space’ in the way it means space to them without finding out what space means for their partner.  Now the situation escalates and gets worse.

Communication breaks down and often the bickering increases.  Or silence becomes the norm.

What does Coaching Involve?

Couples who come to my sessions learn how to understand each other’s view of the world and how it works for them.  They learn how to understand the meaning behind each other’s words.

So to return to the topic of today’s post.  Does Marriage Coaching Work?  The answer is also Yes.

It works because once the couple commits to understanding themselves and each other at a deeper level.  They learn how to find out why they each behave the way they do they can make informed choices.

Often this requires practice to replace the old patterns of behaviour with new ones.  A bit like learning to ride a bicycle – it can seem strange to start with.

With new understandings, the couple has more choices.

Choices

Choices on whether some of their current limiting beliefs are serving them in the best way today.  They can choose to change their behaviours so they serve themselves better.  They can choose to meet their partner’s needs as they now understand where their partner is coming from.

From this point of total understanding, they can help each other to bring out the best in each other rather than not.

Or they can decide that they are not compatible and so end the relationship. But they are ending it from a position of understanding and knowledge rather than guesswork based on misunderstandings from the past.

Coaching enables a couple to make informed choices and removes the guesswork from any decision to stay together or split.