Walking away from emotional pain may not be the answer

If you are in a relationship which is going wrong you can feel very lonely indeed.  The emotional pain can be intense and the wish to walk away incredibly strong.  To be clear – if you are being physically attacked then get out fast.  For this post I am talking about emotional disconnect.

Emotional pain is there for a reason.  It’s a signal to stop doing something.

In a relationship, emotional pain or hurt can feel physical.  The wish to escape and so remove the pain can feel overwhelming.  The wish to run the clear solution.  But what if the answer lies in understanding the emotional pain and how it was caused.  Then learning how to remove it, and grow from what you’ve learnt.

Emotional pain is a trigger. A trigger to tell you to stop doing what you have been doing.

The problem with emotional pain is understanding the signals.  Understanding what to change.  Often this is not obvious.

A couple in emotional pain can often take the wrong course of action – or come to that – no action.  Or they can continue to do what is causing them pain and wonder why the pain doesn’t go away.

  • The endless arguments that go round and round in circles and cause even more upset as you remind each other of past hurts.
  • The determination to get your point of view across in the same way you have always done.
  • Or walk away from conflict and leave yourself feeling frustrated and unheard.

This can become so intense that one of you will decide the pain is so great that it must be your partner who is causing it and so clearly the answer to removing the pain is to end the relationship.  Yet this can also feel wrong.

What about the children?

What about all you’ve built together?

How will you feel when you each find someone new?

Are you right to leave?

Are you also at fault?

Many people can also become emotionally detached from their partner so they can avoid the pain.  The problem with this is by closing down the pain you will also close down the love.  You become numb.  You convince yourself you will never feel any closeness for your partner again.

But there is a high chance that this isn’t the case.

So my message to you today is don’t believe all the signals you are getting from your emotions. They may not be true.  You are protecting yourself.  This is natural.  It feels safe.  However, this safety disconnects you from each other and leaves many questions unanswered and issues unresolved.

To get out of this place of emotional confusion you need to become curious.  Curious on the many options which exist.  Curious on how to make changes and Do Something Different.

We experience pain for a reason

Discover the reasons and you have new options for the future.  Learn how to understand the pain you are each experiencing and you will have new ways of reaching out to each other.

Invest in your future

If you walk away from the pain you may not have all the answers, only more questions.  If you invest in your future and learn new ways and new tools to help each other you will have many more answers and solutions, and, as a result,  fewer questions.