Train your emotional muscle

How do you approach different aspects of your day and your life?

We all know if we turn up to work in a bad mood then mostly we will have a miserable day.  The day drags!   A negative state can give us a negative day.

How do you approach your relationship?

The same applies to your relationship.  If your focus is all about what is wrong with it you will be on the hunt for the negatives.  The problem with this is that you will probably miss seeing, and appreciating the positives.  If you expect bad things you will find bad things!  This may seem obvious when seen written down and you are reading this.  But ask yourself What do I do day-to-day?”

Your relationship and what emotional state you are in will give you different aspects to your life and have a massive effect on you and those around you.  If this is good then that’s great.  If it’s negative or defensive, or angry and dismissive then the results will be very different.

For example:

Someone who returns home at the end of the day longing to be with their partner and is greeted with love, kindness and openness, is much more likely to be open and ready to discuss any problems or issues than someone who returns home dreading being with their partner. Then even if they are greeted with the same love and kindness they are likely to miss this as their state is negative and as a result, their focus is on red alert for the bad stuff.

Emotions can be addictive

Ask yourself what is my habitual emotional state?

Is it:

  • cross or angry
  • defensive
  • feeling sorry for myself
  • demanding
  • pessimistic
  • negative
  • closed
  • positive
  • happy
  • cheerful
  • optimistic
  • open
  • …………….

If you fall into the top half of my list (the red ones) then ask yourself:   “What am I gaining by doing this?”

If your state is one of the blue ones then well done – you are much more likely to be ready to hear and understand your partner’s point of view and to help each other.

Negative Emotional States

A negative emotional state is there for a reason –  probably created to protect yourself in the past – but has it become a habit?

Has the reason for that negative emotional state long since died?  Are you clinging to something your partner did or said just to give yourself a reason for being the way you are?  Who are you punishing by doing this?  You may feel justified, but the punishment and pain are within you now.  You can choose to live with it or you can choose to find a new meaning, understand it and then learn to find a better emotion to give you more growth and new choices for the future.

Learn how to train your emotional muscle

Much of my work with clients is around understanding their emotional state and then helping them create a more empowering state where they learn how to become curious about other choices and opportunities.  None of us can change the past.  Issues happen.  It isn’t the issue that created our future it’s how we take that issue and use it to create a future that makes the difference.  Our emotional state and focus.

By empowering yourself and training your emotional muscle you can run the best possible version of yourself  – which will give you the best chances of helping each other in moments of misunderstanding and conflict.