Things ain’t what they used to be…

When you look back at the start of your relationship you will probably remember how wonderful you felt and how amazing your partner was.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  And yet maybe for some of you reading this post the statement that comes to mind is

Things ain’t what they used to be

Where did it all go wrong.  Why do one or both of you now feel so differently.  Some people will tell you that feelings change with time and you cannot expect to feel the same as you did then.  Inferring that the chances are you won’t feel as good as you did at the start.

Wrong! You don’t have to end up in an emotional desert when there is a lush green forest of happy emotions out there for you both to grasp – together.

Over time both of you will have been attaching feelings to each other based on your behaviours to each other.  If these behaviours have been close, understanding and loving then the chances are you will continue to feel good.  If, on the other hand, you have developed behaviours that you have interpreted and so believe have not shown trust and understanding, respect or contribution to your relationship then the emotions or feelings you attach to your partner will not be so favourable.

The first point is What have you decided to believe

You see we each interpret behaviours and actions in our own unique way. Add to this the fact that men and women work differently and there is a multitude of opportunities to get it wrong. And by getting it wrong you can create the wrong feelings and attach these to your partner.  Now you are either confused by their actions at best or hostile at worst.

The second point is How have you behaved

Each one of us is responsible for our own behaviours and actions. Anything less and we give ourselves a let out clause.  An abdication of responsibility if you like.  You see your partner will attach feelings to your behaviours – the good and the not-so-good.

So What to do?

Well for a start have you ever asked your partner how loved they feel by you.  There’s a lot you can ask and learn from their response. After all what matters is the feelings they create for themselves when they are with you.  So knowing how to help them create those feelings is a good place to start.

Things can get better.  Learning the tools and skills to do this is key.  So you can end up saying.

Things ain’t what they used to be……. They are so so much better!