The rules and laws on how life is lived

How you react in a crisis is down to how you learnt to react.  Each of us creates rules and laws on how life should be lived.  As I say we will have created these rules whilst growing up.  So if you get angry easily maybe your parents demonstrated this as a method of dealing with issues and so you learnt as a child that this is what one did.

If your mother worried a great deal then you may have learnt to be a worrier.

You will have created a focus to help you deal with the unexpected.  It’s not all bad!  Some people react positively to the unexpected, but some don’t.

Let me give you some examples:

  • If you hunt for what is wrong – you will find masses of things that are wrong.
  • If you focus on failure – you can expect to fail
  • If you decide you can’t do something – the likelihood is you’ll be right and you won’t succeed
  • If you focus on worrying then you’ll spend your time worrying.  Some people spend a lifetime worrying,

Query your rules and laws on how you are living your life

We can all give ourselves better outcomes by shifting our focus.

I will share with you a personal example.

Many, many years ago I trained to be a secretary.  I was in my early twenties and had decided this was a route into the business world.  In order to pass the certification, I had to be able to write shorthand at 100 words per minute.

I struggled.  I hated shorthand with a passion.  I focused on the hate and my inability to achieve what I had to do to pass the exams!

My father (a very patient man!) would sit me down every evening and dictate passages to me at different speeds.   As time went by I reached about 60 words a minute but couldn’t get any faster!

I ranted and raged at how much I hated the whole experience!  Then one day I decided that I wasn’t going to let it beat me!  My focus changed.  Within a couple of weeks, I’d cracked it.

If I look at the list above – my focus had been entirely on those 4 bullet points.  By changing my focus on all those 4 (I didn’t know that at the time by the way), I gave myself a completely new outcome.  Plus a massive sense of achievement.  My goal had stretched me.

Changing Focus

Changing focus can be hard.  It requires you to look forward and to stop yourself sinking back to some old destructive behaviours.  It requires growth.  Which, by the way, we all need. Some mental gymnastics.

For those in relationships which are struggling, I want you to consider – Is it all about the relationship and the other person or are you inadvertently not running the best version of you.

  • Are you focusing on the negatives
  • Could you be expecting to fail
  • Are you searching for what is wrong
  • Do you believe you can’t put it right

If, after honest reflection, some of these strike home then maybe it’s time to learn how to change your focus.  Discover what rules and laws you have created which may not be serving you in the best way for your current situation or your future.

Many of my clients work with me individually to help themselves over their own personal hurdles, then work as a couple to understand each other and how to get back to being a closely connected, and successful, team.


  1. The rules and laws on how life is lived – Linden Porter – Post Vibes says:

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