Are you talking yourself into a bad mood?

Today I would like you to ask you “Are you talking yourself into a bad mood without realising you’re doing so.?”

Language and the words we use play a big part on how we feel and what state we’re in at any given moment.

  • A car screams past you and then cuts you up.  Do you get angry or do you smile and find their behaviour amusing
  • The person in front of you at the checkout can’t find her credit card and you have to stand and wait whilst she sorts out her problem.  Do you find your irritation mounting – or do you feel compassionate and sorry for their distress!
  • You don’t know how to solve a problem  – do you become grumpy or – worse – sulk or do you become curious at the novelty of a new situation

If you find the anger mounting within you, you can start to feed yourself words to describe how you’re feeling:  irritation, anger, fury…..   and as you do so, so your mood escalates!

For couples in crisis the state they create within them, the language they use for themselves and then to each other has a significant effect on the State of their Relationship.

They go from focusing on one other to focusing on themselves.  They start to ‘count’ their resentments and so begin to build a justification for their moods and behaviours.  Without realising it they create a negative state, use negative language and so miss so many of the positives.

In this state they make being right more important than their relationship.

By changing the language you use to describe your emotion, your feelings and emotions can change.

Let me give you some examples:

  • How about deciding to be peeved instead of angry or furious
  • How about miffed instead of irritated

I’ve described only a couple of situations people meet in the course of their lives.

The answer to giving yourself the most choices and the best possible outcome is by asking yourself  “What can I now benefit from this situation?”

By the way – frequently the first answer that comes straight back is “NOTHING!”  Don’t give up on yourself

Now ask yourself “OK but what could I find of benefit if I chose to?”  and How can I help my partner right now

Remember you can talk yourself into a bad mood or into a good mood – the choice is yours.