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Take charge of your emotional responses

How do you react when your partner is cross? Is your immediate response to defend your own actions or do you take a moment to translate their words - not from your own perspective but from theirs? Are you master of your emotional responses or a slave to them? Many clients I see have created negative emotional responses which are not serving them.  They can be triggered by past events, how they learnt to respond from their parents and their basic character.  Many of these responses were … [Read more...]

I know who my partner is!

I've been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago. I know who my partner is Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner's intentions and behaviours.  They've ended up in crisis and now they've made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward. Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A … [Read more...]

Intimacy dies over time – fact or fiction?

Many people believe that intimacy dies over time.  My question is who told you?  Yes, it can die over time - but it doesn't have to. Time is not necessarily the issue.  It's how your dynamic with your partner has changed from when you first met.  This is the responsibility of both of you. Time and again I hear from couples who seek my help that they have become friends rather than lovers.  The sexual connection has died and one or both feel they are now living with their best … [Read more...]

To admit you need help is a good thing

So many couples leave seeking help until it's almost too late. Frequently many don't want to admit to each other that they don't have the answers. We believe that we should be able to resolve our issues ourselves. This is all well and good if you can.  But what happens if you don't have the tools to do so?  Attempting to solve your problems from the wrong place can often make matters worse. On Friday this week there was an article in the Daily Telegraph headed "Michelle is right, we all … [Read more...]

Which are you doing?

Relationships require positive action to keep them alive and passionate.  The problem most couples with relationship problems have is they don't know  which actions are positive, good ones and which are negative, bad ones. Men and women communicate in different ways and not understanding this and mis-interpreting what they are saying, can lead you into a mine-field of problems. My Question to you in today's post is: Which are you doing? Here are a few actions you may be taking which … [Read more...]