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What can you bring to your relationship right now?

In this current worldwide crisis, it is so easy to focus on what you are missing out on, to feel constrained or cross. Some of you will feel anxious.  Some of you will be working to help others and won't have time to focus on themselves. What can you bring to your relationship right now? If you are focusing on yourself I would like to ask yourself "What am I gaining by doing so?" By doing this are you looking for someone else to solve your issues?  Today I want you to consider changing … [Read more...]

Are you killing your relationship without realising it?

When things start to go wrong in a relationship one or other of you can easily try to control the situation.  Love is NOT about control. The problem is when we feel out of control our natural instinct is to attempt to regain that control.  Why?  To feel safe. The need to feel safe is a massive driving force.  It's in our 'blood'.  We have always had that force.  It's the 'flight or fight' driver that keeps us alive. This issue is it can trigger when there is no need. Rather than take … [Read more...]

Stacking Resentments Kills A Relationship

First of all, I want you to cast your mind back to when you first met your partner.  Life was good then!  You loved being together and, the chances are, you were both doing all you could for each other. You were also, in all likelihood, firmly running a very good version of you. However, over time various incidents happened.  Life gets in the way.  Work, family and other aspects of life interfere and how each of you reacted to these impacts will have had an effect on both of you. If … [Read more...]

By changing their focus they changed their future

I have recently been coaching a young couple who had become bogged down in their issues.  They were lost and confused.  Over only three sessions they learnt by changing their focus they could dramatically change their understanding of each other and so change their future. They learnt how men and women approach problems differently and that both these approaches are strengths. They discovered what each of them needed and how those needs, needed to be met. The frustrations they had for … [Read more...]

Unhappiness is exhausting

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the same issues, again and again, using the same behaviours that got them to their crisis in the first place. Most don't understand the deeper causes of their problems. So without any extra knowledge, they continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication. They have each tired themselves out hunting for answers and only get more frustrated with each other. Now from this place they … [Read more...]