A fingers-crossed approach rarely works

Many couples in crisis often adopt a fingers-crossed approach to their issues. This is almost like playing roulette with their relationship as they are not taking any new action to resolve the issues but hoping the problems will miraculously disappear. So my question to you today is Are you adopting this fingers-crossed approach? If you are, then do you really believe that your issues will be resolved by doing what you have done in the past? You see your past actions (which I am sure … [Read more...]

Is your perspective of your partner valid?

Many of the couples I see are stuck in a cycle of bad communication, loss of passion and a feeling that their future together looks bleak. at best.  They want to improve their future but have the wrong perspective of who their partner is and how they operate, which, by the way,  will be fundamentally different from their own. Many are in a cycle of blame.  They blame each other and, in their minds, it's all the other person's fault. However, they also want: To be closer to each … [Read more...]

Check in with your emotional responses and triggers

We all have emotional responses to situations or actions by others.  This is normal.  However, have you ever noticed that some people's responses can seem, to you either 'over-reactive' or, alternatively, far better than yours? How you react to a situation is unique to you. You will have created emotional responses to situations throughout your life.  Some will have been created early on,  maybe to protect you from, say, being teased, or to keep you safe from a harsh environment at home or … [Read more...]

How can I experience more love?

"How can I experience more love with my partner in this moment of conflict"? This is not a question many of the couples I see ever ask themselves.  They go into a place of pain and hurt and in many cases do the opposite. Rather than find out and, maybe, let go of the pain they are experiencing, they go to a place where they behave badly.  They seek revenge.  Maybe they retaliate.  They withdraw.  They lay down the law according to their perception of the situation of how they're feeling or … [Read more...]

I am at a loss to know how to make my partner happy

I see many couples in my sessions where one or both of them tell me they don't know how to make their partner happy. They still care deeply for each other but they are failing to connect. I hear the statement "I've done everything I can...." incredibly often. My response to them is "I am sure you have. But maybe you've missed the thing that worked". Each of us has a unique set of needs and a unique way for those needs to be met.  Unless we are aware of those needs at a conscious … [Read more...]