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Take charge of your emotional responses

How do you react when your partner is cross? Is your immediate response to defend your own actions or do you take a moment to translate their words - not from your own perspective but from theirs? Are you master of your emotional responses or a slave to them? Many clients I see have created negative emotional responses which are not serving them.  They can be triggered by past events, how they learnt to respond from their parents and their basic character.  Many of these responses were … [Read more...]

Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  - Breaking up is hard to do. Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time. What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin. By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says "I love … [Read more...]

Have you lost confidence in your own ability?

Loss of an individual's confidence can have a devastating effect on an intimate relationship. It is important to understand that men and women can, and frequently do, react and behave differently when 'struck down' with a lack of confidence. For many men, they can either feel frustrated and angry, to the point they close down and ‘walk away’ from the problems. Or they can become withdrawn or 'childlike' in their attempts to shut out their feelings. You see most men want to fix.  For … [Read more...]

Interpretation is key

How we interpret any message is key.  Key to how we respond and key to how we feel.  The issue here is what we interpret may not be true. For example, a person who has grown up in a family where raising your voice is the way to receive acknowledgement will, in all likelihood, create a method of communication where this is used.  If your partner understands this then they have more choices on how they respond.  If they don't and expect you to communicate in their style (the style they created … [Read more...]

The power of your state

In today's post, I want you to think about the emotional state you are in most of the time, within your relationship. So what do I mean by this? How you are with your partner will have a massive impact on how they behave with you and also on how you react to them. Negative State v Positive State We all have moments of feeling negative.  But watch out - the power of negativity on your mind and body is immense.  You can change what used to be amusing behaviours into irritation.  Those … [Read more...]