Train your emotional muscle

How do you approach different aspects of your day and your life? We all know if we turn up to work in a bad mood then mostly we will have a miserable day.  The day drags!   A negative state can give us a negative day. How do you approach your relationship? The same applies to your relationship.  If your focus is all about what is wrong with it you will be on the hunt for the negatives.  The problem with this is that you will probably miss seeing, and appreciating the positives.  If you … [Read more...]

Are your behaviours kind?

I have written a few times on the subject of teasing and how damaging it can be to a relationship. Of course, teasing has its place,  however, it can be damaging - especially in public.  Those moments when you are together amongst friends, colleagues or family.  They may see it as your banter and accept it as part of your relationship but is your banter actually a series of put-downs? Do you really know how your partner is feeling in those moments?  They may laugh, but that may be to hide … [Read more...]

Would you like to be on the receiving end of you?

When your relationship is in crisis you can find yourself on the defensive and angry. You will also probably blame your partner. You can feel they have changed their behaviours and created a version of themselves which you dislike.  But what about you?  Are you also responsible?  The answer is YES. If you are also lashing out without any thought on how these negative, destructive behaviours will be received then I would like you to ask yourself: Would you like to be on the receiving end … [Read more...]

Do you create lists – and if so what’s on them?

Most people create lists In a relationship the type of lists you create can have a good or bad effect on your partner. So what type of lists do you create  (either written down or in your mind) - you can have as many as you like. There are the many types of Lists.  For instance To Do Lists DIY Lists Chores Lists Failings Lists Success Lists Resentment Lists Love Lists The Lists that should just belong to you As long as the Chores / To Do Lists you created on … [Read more...]

If you are in a bad place ask yourself the following

Which emotion is running you? Today I want to give you some pointers which could well be affecting your relationship. You see when we feel we aren't getting what we want from our relationship, and by this, I mean a relationship which has been successful in the past, then our emotions can run riot and confuse us.  A feeling of loss and not knowing what to do can leave us feeling stuck or numb. Negative, unhelpful, emotions can take over and 'rule' your actions. Fear Fear: that the … [Read more...]