Men – a post for you today

Today I want to focus on the men with relationship problems.  However, it is important that women read this so they can understand where men are coming from. Men, you are, by and large, fixers and solvers.  This is where you feel successful and of use.  It is an important part of who you are. To enable you to fix or solve you will probably make any problem as small as you can - basically, so you can solve it!  Within your working environment or social activities, this works fine.  By the way, … [Read more...]

Do you put more effort into avoiding pain than gaining pleasure?

So this is my question to you today "Are you putting your efforts into avoiding pain rather than putting your efforts into gaining pleasure?" You see because we are designed as humans to avoid pain then we naturally focus on avoiding pain.  This sounds perfectly good doesn't it. But what are you doing to gain pleasure? To gain pleasure you have to face the element of risk.  That risk element is the fear of rejection.  Fear that your actions or advances will be turned down or rejected.  So … [Read more...]

When life feels wrong what should you do next?

When life feels wrong the question of what to do next is probably one that occupies a person's mind a great deal. Many people carry on behaving and doing the things that actually have got them to where they are now.  Either that or they withdraw and close down emotionally.  This will, of course, protect them and there is often a feeling of safety and security in doing this. I see this so often in the couples who come to my sessions.  One partner has often withdrawn and shut out the other.  … [Read more...]