If you are in a bad place ask yourself the following

Which emotion is running you? Today I want to give you some pointers which could well be affecting your relationship. You see when we feel we aren't getting what we want from our relationship, and by this, I mean a relationship which has been successful in the past, then our emotions can run riot and confuse us.  A feeling of loss and not knowing what to do can leave us feeling stuck or numb. Negative, unhelpful, emotions can take over and 'rule' your actions. Fear Fear: that the … [Read more...]

Learn to understand your emotions

One of the skills successful couples have learnt is to understand their emotions and see they are there for a reason.  They have learnt to respond positively to each other's emotions - whatever they are. Emotions are information. So what do I mean.  Well they are very useful.  Some are there to keep us safe - fear for example.  Fear is very useful when in a dangerous situation.  It can cause us to run or fight or take extra care. However we can also 'over-respond'  or become locked in … [Read more...]

Things ain’t what they used to be…

When you look back at the start of your relationship you will probably remember how wonderful you felt and how amazing your partner was.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  And yet maybe for some of you reading this post the statement that comes to mind is Things ain't what they used to be Where did it all go wrong.  Why do one or both of you now feel so differently.  Some people will tell you that feelings change with time and you cannot expect to feel the same as you did then.  Inferring that … [Read more...]

You can become master of your emotions

So many people I see are not actually mastering their emotional responses to their partner.  They react to an event because they have created an automatic response to it.  They don't bother - or don't know how - to find out the truth. So when their partner gets cross, frustrated or angry they defend or escalate the issue by getting angry as well. This can then escalate as both become more emotional in their responses to each other.  They learn to bicker.  It's immature, even childish, and … [Read more...]

Are you in charge of your emotions?

My question to you today is "Are you in charge of your emotions?".  Many of my clients respond "Yes" when I ask them this!  And quite understandably they believe they are. But we create our emotions based on our interpretation of events.  Frequently this can be a 'knee-jerk' reaction to something someone has said or done and without any clue of their intention behind their words or actions. So are you absolutely sure of their true intent? Many couples do not take time to find out the … [Read more...]