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Are you exhausted by your relationship?

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the symptoms of their unique issues rather than learning and understanding the deeper causes of their problems. They continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication which got them into the crisis in the first place, with the result that nothing changes. Having tired themselves out they look for the reason they're exhausted and decide the relationship is wrong and cannot be fixed.  After … [Read more...]

If your marriage is in crisis then acknowledge it and take action

The Emotional Stages you need to Experience as you invest in your Marriage and resolve your Marriage Crisis Just to be clear before I get into this post I refer throughout to marriage crisis.  I do this to avoid making each statement too long-winded or confusing.  These stages equally apply to anyone in a relationship crisis whether you are married or not. It is up to you how quickly you take these steps.  I know for most people it takes courage.  People can feel daunted, lost and a bit … [Read more...]

Are you killing your relationship without realising it?

When things start to go wrong in a relationship one or other of you can easily try to control the situation.  Love is NOT about control. The problem is when we feel out of control our natural instinct is to attempt to regain that control.  Why?  To feel safe. The need to feel safe is a massive driving force.  It's in our 'blood'.  We have always had that force.  It's the 'flight or fight' driver that keeps us alive. This issue is it can trigger when there is no need. Rather than take … [Read more...]

Stacking Resentments Kills A Relationship

First of all, I want you to cast your mind back to when you first met your partner.  Life was good then!  You loved being together and, the chances are, you were both doing all you could for each other. You were also, in all likelihood, firmly running a very good version of you. However, over time various incidents happened.  Life gets in the way.  Work, family and other aspects of life interfere and how each of you reacted to these impacts will have had an effect on both of you. If … [Read more...]

By changing their focus they changed their future

I have recently been coaching a young couple who had become bogged down in their issues.  They were lost and confused.  Over only three sessions they learnt by changing their focus they could dramatically change their understanding of each other and so change their future. They learnt how men and women approach problems differently and that both these approaches are strengths. They discovered what each of them needed and how those needs, needed to be met. The frustrations they had for … [Read more...]