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Learn how to tell your partner what you need

Time and again I hear from one or both people in a relationship crisis that they've done all the giving and their partner has only taken.  I am told they've tried everything and now they're fed up with being taken for granted.  They feel unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  The trust has gone and now the relationship is dying - fast. Arguments flare in a series of seemingly inconsequential, incidents.  You both become angry and defensive and confused by the emotional responses of the … [Read more...]

I know who my partner is!

I've been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago. I know who my partner is Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner's intentions and behaviours.  They've ended up in crisis and now they've made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward. Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A … [Read more...]

Are you exhausted by your relationship?

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the symptoms of their unique issues rather than learning and understanding the deeper causes of their problems. They continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication which got them into the crisis in the first place, with the result that nothing changes. Having tired themselves out they look for the reason they're exhausted and decide the relationship is wrong and cannot be fixed.  After … [Read more...]

If your marriage is in crisis then acknowledge it and take action

The Emotional Stages you need to Experience as you invest in your Marriage and resolve your Marriage Crisis Just to be clear before I get into this post I refer throughout to marriage crisis.  I do this to avoid making each statement too long-winded or confusing.  These stages equally apply to anyone in a relationship crisis whether you are married or not. It is up to you how quickly you take these steps.  I know for most people it takes courage.  People can feel daunted, lost and a bit … [Read more...]

Are you killing your relationship without realising it?

When things start to go wrong in a relationship one or other of you can easily try to control the situation.  Love is NOT about control. The problem is when we feel out of control our natural instinct is to attempt to regain that control.  Why?  To feel safe. The need to feel safe is a massive driving force.  It's in our 'blood'.  We have always had that force.  It's the 'flight or fight' driver that keeps us alive. This issue is it can trigger when there is no need. Rather than take … [Read more...]