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Which version of you shows up with your partner?

We all have different versions of ourselves that we use in different situations. Good relationships don't stay good without a deep and committed understanding of yourself and who you are, however by habitually using the wrong version of you for your partner you may not be getting the best from your relationhip. So my question is which version of you is showing up for your partner? Is it: The work you The parent you (Mum or Dad you) The child you (good or bad) The fun you … [Read more...]

Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  - Breaking up is hard to do. Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time. What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin. By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says "I love … [Read more...]

Have you lost confidence in your own ability?

Loss of an individual's confidence can have a devastating effect on an intimate relationship. It is important to understand that men and women can, and frequently do, react and behave differently when 'struck down' with a lack of confidence. For many men, they can either feel frustrated and angry, to the point they close down and ‘walk away’ from the problems. Or they can become withdrawn or 'childlike' in their attempts to shut out their feelings. You see most men want to fix.  For … [Read more...]

Learn how to tell your partner what you need

Time and again I hear from one or both people in a relationship crisis that they've done all the giving and their partner has only taken.  I am told they've tried everything and now they're fed up with being taken for granted.  They feel unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  The trust has gone and now the relationship is dying - fast. Arguments flare in a series of seemingly inconsequential, incidents.  You both become angry and defensive and confused by the emotional responses of the … [Read more...]

I know who my partner is!

I've been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago. I know who my partner is Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner's intentions and behaviours.  They've ended up in crisis and now they've made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward. Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A … [Read more...]