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Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  - Breaking up is hard to do. Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time. What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin. By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says "I love … [Read more...]

Have you lost confidence in your own ability?

Loss of an individual's confidence can have a devastating effect on an intimate relationship. It is important to understand that men and women can, and frequently do, react and behave differently when 'struck down' with a lack of confidence. For many men, they can either feel frustrated and angry, to the point they close down and ‘walk away’ from the problems. Or they can become withdrawn or 'childlike' in their attempts to shut out their feelings. You see most men want to fix.  For … [Read more...]

Learn how to tell your partner what you need

Time and again I hear from one or both people in a relationship crisis that they've done all the giving and their partner has only taken.  I am told they've tried everything and now they're fed up with being taken for granted.  They feel unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  The trust has gone and now the relationship is dying - fast. Arguments flare in a series of seemingly inconsequential, incidents.  You both become angry and defensive and confused by the emotional responses of the … [Read more...]

I know who my partner is!

I've been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago. I know who my partner is Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner's intentions and behaviours.  They've ended up in crisis and now they've made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward. Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A … [Read more...]

Are you exhausted by your relationship?

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the symptoms of their unique issues rather than learning and understanding the deeper causes of their problems. They continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication which got them into the crisis in the first place, with the result that nothing changes. Having tired themselves out they look for the reason they're exhausted and decide the relationship is wrong and cannot be fixed.  After … [Read more...]