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Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  - Breaking up is hard to do. Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time. What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin. By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says "I love … [Read more...]

The rules and laws on how life is lived

How you react in a crisis is down to how you learnt to react.  Each of us creates rules and laws on how life should be lived.  As I say we will have created these rules whilst growing up.  So if you get angry easily maybe your parents demonstrated this as a method of dealing with issues and so you learnt as a child that this is what one did. If your mother worried a great deal then you may have learnt to be a worrier. You will have created a focus to help you deal with the unexpected.  … [Read more...]

Unhappiness is exhausting

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the same issues, again and again, using the same behaviours that got them to their crisis in the first place. Most don't understand the deeper causes of their problems. So without any extra knowledge, they continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication. They have each tired themselves out hunting for answers and only get more frustrated with each other. Now from this place they … [Read more...]

A willingness to learn and an open-minded focus saved this couple from divorce

I met this lovely couple a few months ago. His desire to understand and learn how to be there for his wife in the way she needed opened her up to new possibilities. His new focus helped her relax and feel safe to see new options and an exciting future with her husband. I am full of admiration for this couple who worked hard to understand each other at a deeper level and so give themselves what they both craved.  A close, connected relationship.  It's been a pleasure and a privilege to … [Read more...]

You are not your partner…..

You are not your partner so you can't know what they're thinking.  There is also a high percentage chance you don't understand why they say and do the things they do.  Add to this the fact that men and women communicate differently and your chances of interpreting their actions and words can be very low. Misinterpretation of your partner's wishes can lead you down the wrong path.  In some cases, I have seen couples create a completely wrong lifestyle as each person attempts to meet what they … [Read more...]