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Become curious

One of the great communication skills you can develop is to become curious about what your partner likes and enjoys. This is especially important if you feel your communication has broken down.  Yes I know all you want to do is to talk about the issues and maybe the pain you're feeling. But if you do this continuously then there's a good chance your partner will close down and withdraw.  They'll then begin avoiding any close chats.  Why because they'll start seeing 'close chats' as painful … [Read more...]

Become an understanding listener

I've posted on this subject before but I cannot emphasise enough the need to become an understanding listener.  To actually understand your partner's words and the intention behind those words. So often when couples argue it's because they feel they're not getting through to their partner.  One or both of you,  usually becomes defensive as you're feeling attacked - this is totally natural and understandable but won't help the situation. So how do you become an effective understanding … [Read more...]

A look is worth a thousand words

I'd like you to think today on the way you look at your partner.  What are you truly wanting to convey to them.  Is it anger, resentment, hate, fury, concern, care......  Or deep down regardless of what's going on do you really want to tell them you really and truly love them?  In fact how often do you make eye contact? A look is worth a thousand words: Communication isn't just about the words we use  - in fact that's a very small part.  It's not about the tone of voice - though that is more … [Read more...]

If she’s nagging then she’s nagging for a reason

Men - women don't nag because they want to!  There is always a reason they're nagging - BUT - the reason won't necessarily have anything to do with what they're actually saying. Confusing isn't it.  She may nag about you working too hard and the long hours you're away.  She may nag about you not taking an interest in the children; not tidying up; not taking her out; devoting yourself to your hobbies when you have free time; not fixing the broken shelf..............  The list is endless. The … [Read more...]

Do you understand what your partner is saying?

Are you sure you always understand what your partner is saying and the intention behind their words?   Hand on heart - are you really sure? Communication can be a minefield Being understood is, obviously, vital in any situation.  But so often what we say is interpreted completely differently by the person we are talking to!  This can be for so many reasons. The person listening isn't actually listening They're only hearing a small portion of what your saying whilst  waiting to say … [Read more...]