Are your behaviours kind?

I have written a few times on the subject of teasing and how damaging it can be to a relationship. Of course, teasing has its place,  however, it can be damaging - especially in public.  Those moments when you are together amongst friends, colleagues or family.  They may see it as your banter and accept it as part of your relationship but is your banter actually a series of put-downs? Do you really know how your partner is feeling in those moments?  They may laugh, but that may be to hide … [Read more...]

Unhappiness is exhausting

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the same issues, again and again, using the same behaviours that got them to their crisis in the first place. Most don't understand the deeper causes of their problems. So without any extra knowledge, they continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication. They have each tired themselves out hunting for answers and only get more frustrated with each other. Now from this place they … [Read more...]

Things ain’t what they used to be…

When you look back at the start of your relationship you will probably remember how wonderful you felt and how amazing your partner was.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.  And yet maybe for some of you reading this post the statement that comes to mind is Things ain't what they used to be Where did it all go wrong.  Why do one or both of you now feel so differently.  Some people will tell you that feelings change with time and you cannot expect to feel the same as you did then.  Inferring that … [Read more...]

Do you Act or React

Do you want to know why your relationship is suffering?  Do you want to know why you feel bad?  Would you like to know what's happened to create these feelings? The question is do you act or react. There is a massive chasm between these two actions. As individuals we all have needs which need to be met for each of us to feel happy, fulfilled and content.  We need to be understood and appreciated and each of us has a unique way those needs are met. So often when couples come to my … [Read more...]

Is your Past Affecting Your Now?

Today I want to talk to you about your past and ask you the important question "Is your Past affecting your Now?". Many couples I see are struggling to be connected at a deeper level because one of them is attempting to control the environment to such an extent that the other feels stifled and unable to be themselves.  The partner who is 'controlling' is living in fear that unless they control as much of their environment as they can they will feel unsafe, insecure and, in some cases, very … [Read more...]