What do you really want more of?

When relationships go wrong it can often be due to both partners failing to give what they want to receive.  I see this frequently with warring couples who have hurt each other so much in the past they have created and are living by some very destructive habits.

Then they come to coaching.  Initially one partner can treat the other’s attempts to give with massive contempt.

Why did he/she wait this long to start behaving differently?

How come they are wanting to change now?

Why did it take someone else to point out what I’ve been saying for years for them to take action now?

The hurt can be so strong that the person blocks out their partner’s attempts to be different and can only treat them with more contempt.  The hurt takes hold and they punish and ridicule.

My question to anyone doing this right now is “What do you really want more of?”.  If you want more communication then listen as well as talk.

If you want more love then give love

If you want more understanding then be understanding.

These can be difficult things to address and practice but they are achievable.

Whether your relationship can be saved or not,  by being the person you believe you are inside rather than the behaviours you are showing, you will go into the next stage of your life living by your values.  If you aren’t living by your values than you will feel bad inside – regardless of the behaviour of your partner.

Understanding your values is key.  So many people don’t understand what theirs are and so don’t know how to move away from the pain they are feeling.