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Is fear paralysing your decision making?

IrritationWhen things are going wrong in a marriage or relationship it is so easy to end up in a state of paralysis.  So easy to be so scared of doing the wrong thing, or making the wrong decision, that we end up doing nothing at all.

Of course doing nothing isn’t going to solve the problem.  So this adds to the anxiety and stress.  Now the person is in a real dilemma.  Frequently, at this stage, they feel there are only two active options open to them.  These could be

  • “Fight or Flight”,
  • “Confront or Give in”,
  • “Please or Annoy”………
  • and lots more similar ones besides,

 

None of which gives them the outcome they feel comfortable with.  The fact that they care is a driver here.  They care so much not to do the wrong thing.

Of course most of these options are at polar opposites, with very few ideas in between.   Seeing a situation this way is perfectly normal at times of stress, anxiety and fear.  The brain in this situation is doing its job in protecting you so is reducing the number of options for you to deal with.  After all, historically,  we needed this in place when making a decision to run from the stampeding wild beast or to fight it!

However, in many situations we face, there are many more options open to us, but only when the anxiety and fear is understood and calmed.

It’s very common for any problem which is outside our comfort zone to take over and dominate.  It becomes so easy to tell ourselves we don’t know how to cope or deal with it and we’re never going to.  We all do this.  It’s in all of us.  The answer lies in understanding that we create these ‘stories’ in our minds and that we can find a good solution, one which will give us love and also allow us to grow.

For each person the trigger will be different, but the feeling of anxiety or being scared will be similar.  Making a decision from this place of uncertainty can, very frequently, be the wrong one.

Making a decision from a position of strength, love and growth,  is much more likely to be the right one.

If you would like to know more then please do get in contact today