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One reason why couples fail each other

One reason why couples fail each other is they fail to listen to the underlying request when one of them is in emotional pain.

The emotional pain may show itself in frustration, anger, irritation and even emotions like disdain and being patronising or condescending.  I’ve only mentioned a few.

Having failed to listen or become curious about the underlying request they can respond in many equally negative ways.  Now an argument can flare or worse – each person retreats believing some form of untruth.  And a little bit of the relationship dies.

Listening is a skill that needs to be practised  – and by that I mean practise again and again.  Couples need to develop a good pattern of communication at all times so when a disagreement happens the pattern of good practised communication ‘kicks in’.

So how should couples communicate better?

The first question I would like you to ask yourself is

How well do I respond when my partner speaks to me?

For instance

Do you listen to their request to talk and continue the conversation?  Do you turn towards them?

or

Do you ignore them either partially or completely.  This could be called – turning away

or

Do you reply with a blocking answer.  Maybe you use sarcasm or maybe you answer in a way that will close down the conversation as quickly as possible.  This could be classed as Turning against.

If you habitually do either of the last two then your partner will not feel heard and ultimately will give up altogether.

Statistics show that couples who habitually keep their everyday conversations in either of the last two are more likely to end up divorced.

And these statistics are based on normal conversations – not arguments or moments of emotional pain.

Those who develop the skills to respond will to offers to communicate deal far better with conflict moments and are tuned into each other’s emotional needs at a far deeper level.  They have learnt how to hear the underlying request.

Learning how to do this is just one of the skills I teach in my sessions.

If you would like to learn more then please get in contact now.  Don’t let your relationship flounder unnecessarily.

macouple