Do you love you?

By asking you the question “do you love you?” Some of you will now be visualising the woman or man who is completely self-absorbed and pleased with themselves and doesn’t give any thought to others around them.  This is not what I mean by loving yourself.

Some people find it easy to love themselves and some don’t.  What is essential is you must love you before you can love anyone else.  To love the person you are, the way you are, the values you have together with the idiosyncrasies you have are all part of you.  Once you’re comfortable in your own skin then whoever falls in love with you will fall for the real you and not a persona you’re portraying to be what you think that person wants.

OK you can do this if you want but if you decide to settle with someone who has fallen for an act, it will mean you have to keep the act going – which might be somewhat exhausting in the long term!  If you are doing, or have done this, then you could also be living a very needy life. Always looking for recognition that you’ve done or said the right thing. Always looking for confirmation that you’re loved. Finding it difficult to be happy on your own as you’re constantly searching for that need  or affirmation from someone else.

If you don’t get this confirmation then you can easily believe you’re not lovable, unlovable or wrong, when in fact what has happened is you’ve created or are acting out a version of yourself which isn’t the true you.

To love yourself brings about an inner peace, a contentment with being you for your own sake. The need for your actions to be validated by others disappears. The need to please all the time also goes. You can give much more of you as there is so much more to give from a position of this inner contentment and belief in yourself, as you will be giving from a place of truth and from the heart rather than the head – which is usually looking to tick boxes that the way you are giving is the right way.

Those who have been through some form of  hurt can easily lose focus on who they are and so the love for themselves comes into question. Children growing up in a family where recognition and love for them as a person in their own right was not acknowledged and given, can leave them confused as an adult.  When they meet someone who is a giver they can become a strong taker in their need to have this unfulfilled childhood desire met.  What happens now is the giver gives and the taker takes but this will not create growth for either partner.  Without growth the relationship will flounder.

A traumatic event can also have devastating effects.  The trigger can bring out a feeling of failure and questioning of identity.  Now their actions can often be an attempt to solve the inner conflict within them in their search for what seems to be missing.  Individuals in this place of confusion can blame the life they have, their partner, a sibling … in their need to feel back in control of their life.  At this point the ‘baby can be thrown out with the bath water’ and lives can be turned upside down.

Asking yourself what you need to love you can be a confusing thought to have.  You can sit and meditate and this may well help partially,  but unless you find new questions to ask yourself and get new answers the chances are you won’t resolve the conundrum of how to love yourself and so create the inner peace you’re searching for.

If you would like to know more on how to solve this puzzle then please get in contact.  The journey to loving yourself is an enjoyable one and maybe full of surprises.