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Love is not about Control

Many couples who come to see me looking for answers to their relationship problems complain that one of them has assumed control.  Again and again I hear one say that they feel controlled by the other. This applies to both men and women – so it is by no means the norm these days to hear the woman say she is being controlled by her man.

Love is not about Control

On the contrary it’s about freedom and enjoying each other’s differences and appreciating each other’s strengths.  It’s learning to understand the deeper person and how they see the world. It’s about wanting the other person to be happy.  It’s about becoming the solution rather than the problem.

So why do people resort to control?  Very often because they get the illusion that if they control they will be safe.  Yes, initially, this may be the case but actually by attempting to control their partner they are frequently heading for a massive dose of insecurity when their partner finally has had enough and starts looking for ways to end the relationship. So the very thing they’ve been trying to hold on to becomes the thing they end up losing.

Control comes in many forms and many disguises and often is not seen by the ‘controller’.  Understanding the root cause of the control and why it’s there is one of the first steps I work with in helping couples change the behaviour pattern, so starting their journey to a closer connection.

If you feel you’re being controlled by your partner and want to change the dynamic so you can both grow and connect at a deeper level then please get in contact.

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