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Is your perspective of your partner valid?

Many of the couples I see are stuck in a cycle of bad communication, loss of passion and a feeling that their future together looks bleak. at best.  They want to improve their future but have the wrong perspective of who their partner is and how they operate, which, by the way,  will be fundamentally different from their own.

Many are in a cycle of blame.  They blame each other and, in their minds, it’s all the other person’s fault.

However, they also want:

  • To be closer to each other
  • Stop the arguments
  • Let go of the pain
  • Be able to talk………

To do this they frequently rerun past arguments; accuse their partner of a variety of failings and so give themselves more pain and move further away from the happiness they want.  They move further apart rather than closer together.

To move closer you have to understand each other at a new and deeper level.

Men and women have to learn that their needs are different and how they need to meet those needs is achieved differently.

Men and women are hard-wired differently.  Learning these fundamental differences gives each of you a new perspective.

So how do you go about changing your perspective?

First and foremost is to understand who you are. If you don’t like the person you have become in your relationship then you won’t succeed in making it closer.

Your perspective and focus on how you behave at home will have created a ‘version’ of you which either works or doesn’t.  Running your successful work behaviours at home is not likely to achieve what you desire.  Your partner is neither an employee nor a work colleague.

Take a new approach

Learn to understand your emotional responses

The first step is to trust in yourself that you have the power to solve the problems even if you don’t know how to right now. To have faith even when all you want to do is protect yourself from the pain.  To believe that never mind what your partner is saying (or doing) their intentions are well-meant.

By taking charge of your emotions (no one else is in charge of them!) then you open yourself up to more choice.

Learning how to do this is just one of the tools I give couples in my sessions.  It is just one of the steps they take on their route from confusion to understanding.  This leads to a new perspective for each other and their future.

Invest in the process and you will find out what is possible within your relationship.,