Is Fear Running You?

One of the problems many couples have when their relationship is suffering is one of both of you can close down emotionally and create a pattern of survival to protect yourself.


This is a fear state designed to keep you safe.  This can turn a normally loving person into someone very different.  They can start behaving in ways they’ve never behaved before and not how they would normally act.

Gone is the loving, kind and gentle person you knew and now you’re faced with someone you don’t recognise.

If your relationship is having problems then one or both of you is probably doing this.  Fear of so many things – especially the future.  To protect yourself emotionally you may just ‘shut down’ or become controlling, argumentative, vindictive, cold …  the list goes on.    But now you are no longer being true to yourself.  Feelings of rejection, being alone and lost, irritation with what’s happening all add up to you not being the you you were when you met.

Fear takes over and can become all encompassing.  It can then distort the truth as you are now focusing on being safe from a highly emotional state designed to trigger flight, or some other form of action, to escape from a threat.  When this happens all our other senses close down as the mind prepares the body for action.

Just think:  The last thing you would be concentrating on is what you will cook for dinner, or whether you feel thirsty,  if you’re being chased by someone with an axe!  Your entire being would be devoting itself to fleeing and on red-alert to get you to a safe place.

What many people don’t realise is the same mechanism comes into play when more subtle things are happening – as in relationship problems.  Your brain is – as I’ve said before – designed to keep you safe and it does so by sending you messages that will do this.  The messages can be very strong and you can become so attuned to the possible threat that you are on red-alert for any sign or confirmation that things are wrong.  This is a very destructive place to be as you will probably be experiencing a mass of mixed messages and wondering if you can even trust yourself.

So what do you do now?

Well it’s important to understand that at some point in your life you will have learnt when to be in fear – some situation will have occurred and you will have created a rule for yourself.  For example:  When someone shouts at you,  you must walk away, or you must raise your voice too, or you should get angry…….  However triggering that behaviour now may well be wrong for your relationship today.    Have you, without really realising, hung onto this behaviour and applied it to a situation where it is no longer appropriate?  You won’t be alone – many people do this as most don’t realise what they are doing.

So my question to you today is

Is Fear Running You?

You may be blissfully unaware that it is but nevertheless be experiencing problems in your life and your relationship.

Why not get in contact today and find out how to give your Relationship a boost so you can become closer and more connected with your partner as together you understand each other at a deeper level.