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Interpretation is key

How we interpret any message is key.  Key to how we respond and key to how we feel.  The issue here is what we interpret may not be true.

For example, a person who has grown up in a family where raising your voice is the way to receive acknowledgement will, in all likelihood, create a method of communication where this is used.  If your partner understands this then they have more choices on how they respond.  If they don’t and expect you to communicate in their style (the style they created growing up) then confusion is an easy option.  Along with resentment and whole host of other emotions.

Emotions create behaviours.  Behaviours can create good emotions or emotional pain.  Pain will create behaviours to protect them from more pain – ie you.

For couples who come to see me my role is to help them see what they are doing to themselves, to each other, and to their relationship.

So my question to you today is

“What interpretations are you putting on the messages you receive”

The step forward here is not only to understand how your partner is interpreting your communication style but also to understand when it’s not working and to decide it’s down to you to update your style so you get the outcome you desire.  For you and for them.

An outcome that, not only, allows them to understand you but to feel safe and loved whilst they do so.

Misunderstandings lead to withholding

Men and women communicate very differently, because their needs are different – in the context of an intimate relationship.  I help and teach couples to understand what each needs from the relationship and how those needs need to be met for them as individuals.  From here the couple can begin to understand their role for each other which opens them up to growth and new outcomes.