I know who my partner is!

I’ve been going through the archives of posts on this website and came across this today.  It is as relevant now as it was 5 years ago.

I know who my partner is

Many couples I see have a preconceived view of their partner’s intentions and behaviours.  They’ve ended up in crisis and now they’ve made some key decisions which have left them stuck and unable to move forward.

Preconceptions affect our lives, often in very ugly ways.  This can seriously affect our judgement of someone.  A judgement which is unfair at best and totally wrong at worst.

Most of us will claim we have an open mind and never judge and yet I see countless individuals in my sessions who spend their time telling me they don’t judge and then judging their partner throughout the session!

The issue here is we don’t see or hear ourselves doing it but only notice it in others.  To become more self-aware is not only to give ourselves more choices but to see those choices in others too and to become curious about how they work, rather than judge them.

We can judge without meaning to in so many ways by:

  • Something we’ve been told by someone else
  • Something they’ve said when angry
  • The job they do
  • Their past successes
  • Past failures

To illustrate my point I would like you to click on the link below – you may need to watch this video more than once – I recommend you do:

6 photographers take a photo of the same man

Now you have watched it I would like you to think about the preconceptions you have made recently. Those of your family, your friends and – most importantly – your partner.

To become curious rather than judgemental can be a huge step for many people but by doing so you remove so many negative preconceptions and you open your world to so many new possibilities.  It takes practice and a certain firmness of thought.  Sometimes you will fail but when you do, notice it in yourself.  Enjoy the journey you are making for yourself.

Your relationship will benefit no end from doing this.

If your relationship is suffering right now, then you need to take action – right now.  Waiting will not solve the problems.  Waiting in itself is an action – but not one which will change anything.

Most relationships can be saved and become closer than they’ve ever been, but so many lose their way as they failed to take the action they needed to reinvigorate it.