Have you lost confidence in your own ability?

Loss of an individual’s confidence can have a devastating effect on an intimate relationship.

It is important to understand that men and women can, and frequently do, react and behave differently when ‘struck down’ with a lack of confidence.

For many men, they can either feel frustrated and angry, to the point they close down and ‘walk away’ from the problems. Or they can become withdrawn or ‘childlike’ in their attempts to shut out their feelings.

You see most men want to fix.  For many ‘fixing’ is their purpose.  So not being able to fix is a really horrible place to be.

When they become angry, it’s not necessarily because of the problems but because they don’t know how to solve them.

For women, this can be very confusing.  They will see and feel their man’s anger and then assume it’s the problem that’s the issue.  When this could be far from the case.

For many women, a lack of confidence can show up differently.  Within an intimate relationship, they are more likely to link unrelated problems together with problems at home and end up completely overwhelmed.  Now they can feel stuck and lost.  If their man attempts to reduce the size of the issues in their desire to solve and fix, a woman can feel misunderstood and unheard.

For each of you, your resulting behaviours may appear very similar, however, the underlying structure can be very different.  As is the solution and the help required.

To solve a problem all of us, and by that I mean men and women, need to feel a degree of confidence that we have the ability to do so!

Confidence is key

Without the necessary confidence, most people become scared and fearful.  If you don’t know how to help your partner the chances are you will offer the type of help that would work for you.  This is probably not the type of help which will work for them.  For two reasons:

  1. They’re not you
  2. They’re a different sex

This will make each of you behave in ways that are alien to who you really are.

Now neither of you recognise the person you are with and you’re wondering what happened to the person you fell in love with, and maybe, believe the relationship is over.

If you do nothing then your issues will not go away.

Get Professional Help

You need to know how to solve your unique problems.   This is what coaching does.  You learn how to understand your present issues and how to solve your future problems.

You will learn how to approach issues together and how to reach each other in times of stress in ways that meet each of your needs.  Being able to do this together is the starting place for a closer connection.

Men and women approach problems in totally different ways.  Neither is wrong.  Learning why and how to understand each other will give you the confidence you both need.