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We all have habits of behaviour – are yours creating a good dynamic?

Every adult will have habits of behaviour which they have developed over the years by the experiences life has given them through their childhood to where they are now.

Habits which have been created to protect them or give them the outcome they believe is best for them in the past.  The problem is that some of these habits,which  I so often hear individuals say are “The way I am”,  may not be serving them in the way they believe is best.

“The way I am” now doesn’t have to be “The Way I will be forever”.  The pattern of behaviour or habit can be changed.  The issue is that so many believe that it isn’t possible.  They cling to their patterns of behaviour as for them they form part of their identity.  This of course is an illusion.

The illusion that their way is the only way and that the problem lies because their partner doesn’t understand them – many individuals then fight for being right or ‘winning‘.  The win of course means that the other individual has to lose – which in effect means the relationship loses. So the win is also an illusion.

A relationship that works is not a competition – it’s a partnership.  A partnership doesn’t rely on one ‘winning’ and the other ‘losing’. It works when both partners learn through discussion and even arguments to a deeper connection.  This in turn will bring security and understanding and feeling loved.

The issue for many of the couples I see is that initially they don’t believe it is possible to adopt new habits and so hold fast to the behaviours that have brought them to my sessions in the first place.  By embracing the understanding that they can change these patterns of behaviour and still have all their needs met they feel safer and so able to reconnect with their partner often with a deeper connection than they had before.

These new habits or patterns will give them the tools to deal with any future emotional issues with a greater confidence as they help each other together.