Do You Set Yourself Up for Failure or Success?

Whether you set yourself up for failure or success is surprisingly easy. (And you may not know you’re doing it).  You may think you are determined to succeed only to find you let yourself down.  The question is what’s going on within you to cause you to fail when you believe, consciously, that your desire is to succeed?

Couples I see in my sessions work hard to achieve success with each other.  They practice the tools and strategies I give them.  They commit in a heartfelt way to continue when they leave the session.  They truly believe, at the time, they can succeed.  Then one or both of them closes down. Withdraws.  Gives up. Fails.


It is important to understand what’s going on for the individual. Why should failure take precedence over success?

Some people don’t believe they have the right to succeed.  If this is the case then they will sabotage any possibility for success.  They will do the opposite to what they have learnt and so confirm their inner belief.  They can do this without realising what they are doing.. Our beliefs can be very powerful and can dominate our lives.  This can cause immense pleasure or immense pain.

We all have a key statement we feed ourselves.  The statement we believe is who we are.  For some this can be very dis-empowering.

Key Failure Statements

I am:

  • not worthy of love
  • unlovable
  • not good enough for him/her
  • cold  (my parents told me so)
  • not bright enough
  • and so on………

May be someone said something to you years ago which you took on-board and then believed to be true.  This has then shaped your future and your life without you knowing why.  You didn’t question it so you live by it.   Now you have created a core belief based on someonelse’s chance remark.  Without knowing you can then act to meet this new belief and so confirm it to be true.

It is so important that we take care what we say to each other.  That we don’t inadvertently destroy someone’s belief in themselves.

Some Key Success Statements


  • worthy of giving and receiving love
  • important to my partner
  • going to invest and succeed in my future – come what may

Do you know if you have set yourself up for Failure or Success?

Many people don’t realise what they are doing to themselves.  It can be hard to spot the signs.  You could be telling yourself

“It’s just the way I am”

Now you accept the outcome and feel powerless to change..  This is a limiting belief.  Success is there for all of us.  Success can be harnessed.  You need to find out how. The right way for you.

Failure to Success

One of the main issues for someone stuck in ‘failure’ is they are often focusing on themselves. They live in their belief;  they don’t believe they can feel differently or they will be appreciated.  Some can believe that success will only be temporary – so why bother.

Relationships need commitment to succeed

In a relationship it can be devastating.  Your partner can’t understand why you may be vacillating between taking action and giving up. He or she can easily interpret the message as you not caring when that could be far from the case. They are not in your head. All they can go by is what they see you do.  What they hear you say.  They won’t be aware of any conflict or insecurity you are battling with.

Learning how to change your core belief can be hard on your own.

If you would like to learn more then please get in contact.  We all deserve success.