Facing the truth about your marriage issues

Today I am reposting an article I wrote several years ago on the emotional stages you need to go through to take action.

I have done this as I see many couples are suffering today with relationship issues which have been exacerbated by lockdown and the ongoing restrictions we are facing during this pandemic.

The Emotional Stages you need to experience as you invest in your marriage and resolve your Marriage Crisis

Just to be clear before I get into this post I refer throughout to marriage crisis.  I do this to avoid making each statement too long-winded or confusing.  These stages equally apply to anyone in a relationship crisis whether you are married or not.

It is up to you how quickly you take these steps.  I know for some it takes courage.  People can feel daunted, lost and a bit scared.  All I can say is your window of opportunity may not be as big as you think and taking action sooner rather than later is better.

Stage Onemarriage crisis

Admit your marriage crisis

Bearing in mind you’ve already arrived on this website, you’ve probably cleared this hurdle already.  However, acknowledging your issues can be a big step even to admit.  You may feel you should know how to fix the problems.  After all most couples around you appear to be doing fine so why not you?  How come you are not feeling happy?  How come your marriage isn’t working the way you want it to?  Why don’t you know the answers?

Relationships are the most complex part of our lives.  We have high expectations for success.  Many also expect them to be easy. We want them to be easy.

Relationships are challenging.  They challenge us every day. Acknowledging this will give you the motivation to move to the next step:

Stage Twomarriage crisis take action

Take Action to solve your marriage crisis

The next step is to take action.  For some, this takes even more courage.  It is tough to admit you need help.  Then there is the problem of where to get that help.  Who do you turn to?

These days the internet plays a massive role in solving this problem.  However, it can also hinder.  There is so much information.  So many sites offering their solution.

The answer is initially to do some research.  The best way is to talk to the Counsellor or Coach.  You have to be able to trust the person you are about to invest in.  If you don’t then you will not get the full benefit of the service they offer.

One of the first questions I am frequently asked is

What is the difference between Marriage Counselling and Marriage Coaching?

Some traditional marriage counsellors work with couples allowing them the space to talk through their issues in front of a ‘mediator’  who helps them open up to their partner.

Does this work?  Clearly, for some, it does but for many, it doesn’t.

I coach.  I, personally, don’t believe going over past issues in detail really helps.  It might make someone get their issues “off their chest”, but this comes at a price.  The price is reliving the incidents and with that comes the emotions experienced at the time (on both sides).  The pain resurfaces along with any anger or frustrations.   So for that reason, I do not encourage couples to do this.  Yes, I have to find out what brought the couple to me in the first place.  I need to know about their unique situation but, for the reasons I just mentioned,  I do not go through all the nitty-gritty in minute detail.

You both need to find out the real truth about your marriage.  You need to know if you should be together.  I teach you how to find out and how to reconnect with your partner.

If possible I like to have an initial chat with one or both of you on the phone prior to our first session.  This gives you the chance to ask questions about me and how I work.

Whoever you choose to see I do recommend you adopt this approach.

Stage Threemarriage crisis to success

Commit to sessions designed to help you resolve your particular marriage crisis

Commit to meeting and paying for that first session.  You will know within the session if you can work with the coach or counsellor.  A good coach or counsellor will also know if they can help you and will tell you.

It is natural to feel daunted (and maybe a bit scared).  Concentrate on what you want to achieve, which for many people is whether they can have a future which is exciting and connected with their partner.

If you believe this person will help you then stick with them!

Learn More about how I can help you

Most of my work is with couples in crisis.

Through my work, I see and understand the pain created when a marriage is in crisis or fails.  The impact this has on you, your partner and children is immense – not to mention the financial cost.  In so many cases this is avoidable.  Couples can convince themselves the only route is to separate or divorce without finding out the truth behind the hurt and causes of the misunderstandings or disconnection.  Don’t let that be you.

We all want a close, passionate relationship with our partner.  It’s what connects our hearts.  Learning how is fundamental to success.  As I said at the start of this post relationships are challenging.  Once you learn how to approach the challenges and you have the tools to take these challenges in your stride you will grow closer from them and be able to appreciate each other at a new level. For many, this has been an eye-opener and they are now closer than they have ever been.

This could be you.

No coach or counsellor can guarantee success, however, a great many couples who have worked with me have been surprised and overjoyed at their new life together.  Here are some of their stories:

Success Stories (Click)