Do you seek justice rather than accept love?

Today I’m posing the question “Do you seek justice rather than accept love?”

This may seem an odd question to some reading this but there is a good reason I’m asking you.

So often in life we seek justice and by that I don’t mean revenge.   Yes if we’ve been wronged this is understandable and needs to be resolved. But this is not what I’m talking about here.

Justice can enter our lives in insidious ways which we take for granted and frequently don’t even notice consciously.

Let me give you a few examples:

  • You’ve been invited to dinner with friends so now make a note that it’s your turn to return the favour. To reciprocate. This can now become an obligation rather than just a feeling of that is what you would like to do. You may even resolve to give them a more elaborate meal than they gave you.
  • Kissing someone back because they’ve kissed you, or saying “I love you too” just because they’ve said it to you.  You might not be in the mood to do so, or want to,  but feel obliged to respond.
  • Your partner gives you an expensive present.  Now you feel obliged to match it with an equally expensive present back. In fact some of you will now try and outdo your partner by making your present even more expensive.

Keeping consistency and fairness can be the root of our responses to actions around us rather than responding when we want to and feel the urge to do so.

By accepting acts of love or connection and enjoying receiving the actions of the giver we are acknowledging them at a deeper level.

We can all play the ‘justice game’ without being aware we are doing so. We can even elevate it to a ‘one-up-manship’ game in our need to be seen as fair or perhaps better than the other person. This can feed you with the lovely feeling that you are better than they are;  you care more than they do; you can afford more than they can……..  The list goes on!

In a relationship it is so important not to do this.  Both of you need to know you are special.  Both of you will give in different ways and at different times. By giving in your own ways when you feel inspired to do so you acknowledge this.  This allows both of you to give and receive and enjoy it.

For those of you who feel you’re giving and never receiving then it is important now to ask yourself why this is the case.  Do you allow your partner to give?  Maybe you think you do and still get nothing back.  But you give because that’s who you are and not to trade. If you trade then you are looking for justice and not giving because you love.   Trading doesn’t work in a relationship.  Unconditional giving of love works.

Are you noticing their acts of giving?  They may be giving – but not in a way that you are noticing.  May be they don’t know how to give. May be they they are scared to give.

Giving can be a very vulnerable action. Especially to the person we love.  It opens us up to hurt and possible rejection, to feelings of not being enough for the one we love, which in turn can make us feel unloved or not worthy of love.

So my suggestion today is enjoy being a receiver. Take time to notice those actions of giving. Enjoy it when they give to you so they too can bask in the pleasures and warmth of giving.  Appreciate their actions of giving, however small.

You can then give in your own way, when you wish to.