Do you know how to solve your problems?

Today I’m asking those who are suffering from relationship problems “Do you know how to solve them?”

You see unless you understand what the problems really are then you can spend a lot of time fruitlessly going round and round trying to resolve the wrong things.

If your partner has withdrawn emotionally then telling them you love them isn’t something that’s going to solve the problem.  For them love could well have died so now rather than feel closer they can feel worse and add guilt to their emotional stacking.

I’ve had men tell me they have realised they’d become selfish so they start to become ‘domestic gods’ in an attempt to show they care.  Men – it’s rarely about who should empty the dishwasher or do the ironing!  Nice as it may be for her it isn’t going to make her fancy you more.

Women can become needy and try all the lures she can to win back her man – again this can add guilt to the list of problems he feels he has.

Finding out how you both ended up in your emotional withdrawal is key.  Understanding from each other’s perspective and from a position of each other’s emotional needs is where the work begins.

So many clients I see believe they know the truth about their relationship, only to discover after a few sessions that they didn’t. They didn’t see they had so many choices on how to look at their partnership. With this comes new ways to solve the issues as they begin to feel differently.

Yes it can be challenging at times. But challenges are good – they take us to new ways of doing things and new ways of being.  These new ways have to fit with who you really are and want to be.  They can open your eyes and your heart to an exciting future.  One you didn’t realise existed.

The problems exist for a reason.  Finding out the true reasons is the start.