Couples who succeed know how to give

Couples who succeed have discovered how to give to their partner in the way their partner needs.

Be courageous

Couples who succeed have learnt to be truthful and to give love no matter what.  During difficult and painful times they know how to be totally present for their partner.

To be fully present you need to focus on them completely.  This means you don’t resort to criticism and you don’t reject them.  You seek to understand them from their point of view.  By creating this area of safety your partner will feel safer to talk about anything – even the painful stuff as they know they will be heard and not criticised or rejected.

Find out the truth

Remove blame.  Learn how to deal with conflict and grow from those moments of conflict.  Take time to deal with upsets and problems at the time they happen or as soon afterwards as possible.  Use open language rather than blame.  “I felt hurt when you did……” rather than “It’s your fault…..” or “You are always doing……”.  Be specific rather than resorting to generalisations.  Remember a complaint is OK if you’re hurt but it has to be specific and said as close to the time as possible.  Criticisms tend to be vague and general and no one feels more love for someone who frequently criticises them.

Are you sure what you believe is true?

The mood you’re in will have a massive effect on what you decide to believe and how you react.  Being aware of your emotional state and focusing on that initially will give you many more choices on how to respond.  Become curious about your beliefs. Understanding yourself will allow your partner to understand you.  Always believe your partner doesn’t intend to hurt you.

Learn to be For Giving

If you are For Giving then you can forgive.  No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.  You have a choice to hold on to past mistakes and errors and regurgitate them in moments of stress or conflict, or you can choose to let the baggage of the past go and look back on those moments as times of learning and growth.  This will set you free from a lot of pain and allow you both to grow and learn from each other.

Couples who succeed give unconditional love

Always put your partner first.  A relationship is not something you go into to get something – you enter it to give. If you make it all about you it will suffer. If you focus on your partner and how you can help them then it will thrive.  Work on creating this skill and develop it so it becomes second nature.  Make it your mission to understand their world; to feel what they feel. Give with compassion.  Give because it’s who you are.

Are you part of a couple in crisis

If you are not succeeding in your marriage or relationship then now is the time to learn the tools which can save it and build it to something new, exciting and closer.