Loss of confidence can kill a marriage

Loss of confidence can have a devastating effect on a relationship or marriage.  You feel stuck not knowing what to do to resolve your problems. For many men this can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, to the point they close down and ‘walk away’ from the problems.  You see most men want to fix.   They see fixing as their purpose.  So not being able to fix is a really horrible place to be.

They become angry – not necessarily because of the problems but because they don’t know how to solve them.

For women this can be very confusing.  They will see  and feel their man’s anger and assume it’s the problem that’s the issue.  From this place it is all to easy to assume you are not understood or heard and your man is unfeeling.  When this could be far from the case.

To solve a problem all of us, and by that I mean men and women, need to feel a degree of confidence that we have the ability to do so!

Confidence is key

Without the necessary confidence most people become scared and fearful.  This will make them behave in ways that are alien to who they really are.  Now neither of you recognise the person you are with and you’re wondering what happened to the person you fell in love with.

If you are living in fear the chances are you have distorted what’s going on to enable you to keep you safe.  Our brains trigger fears to keep us safe.  However when the fear takes over then – in the case of your relationship – you could be making matters worse rather than better.

As I’ve said above confidence is key.  Which may sound an easy thing for me to say but without knowing what to do fear will take over.

Find out the tools you need

Learning how to solve your unique problems will give you the confidence you both need.  This is what coaching does.  You learn how to solve present issues and future problems.  You will learn how to approach issues together and how to reach each other in times of stress in ways that meet each of your needs.  Being able to do this together is the starting place for better connection.

Men and women approach problems in totally different ways.  Neither is wrong.  Learning why and how to understand each other will give you the confidence you both need.