Change your response

How often do you respond in a predicable way to your partner?  If you have problems then in all likelihood you have created a response which is not that positive.  I want you to consider breaking your usual response to a situation or comment.

Firstly I want you to  think about how you usually react to something your partner says or does. In this case I want you to think of a negative response.  Perhaps you get defensive, angry or irritated to something they say or do.  Now instead of reacting in your usual way I want you to stop and consider some alternatives.  Ask yourself if this happened at work or when I am out with friends how would I respond?  Would I respond in the same way as I usually do with my partner?

Frequently problems are created by the way we react to situations.

For instance it is very easy to become defensive or withdraw when our partner is upset or cross.  Rather than do this consider finding out if they actually need you to listen as they sort the problem out for themselves, or all they really want is to connect. Their outburst might be a cry to be noticed.

Change your response

Be kind rather than cross.  Be curious rather than cross.  Become inquisitive (in a caring way) rather than irritated.

Why am I suggesting this?

We all get caught up in automatic responses to situations we’ve been in before.  Both partners know that commenting or criticizing will trigger a certain response and in fact both partners can be on alert in a given situation waiting for the inevitable – but this doesn’t seem to stop either from going down the well trodden path!  By introducing new reactions you can put a blockade in the way and develop and discover a new road.

By working on becoming more self-aware and more emotionally intelligent you will both move towards helping each other through the difficult issues rather than build resentments about each other.  You will also create growth for your relationship.  Something that all relationships need to survive.

If you are in real trouble then this can be hard on your own.  Men and women respond differently and have different needs.

Contact me and find out how to build your relationship.