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Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  – Breaking up is hard to do.

Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time.

What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin.

By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says “I love you” the more the one who wants to go will become determined to do so.

Frequently I hear that the person wanting the exit come up with reasons such as:

“I love you but I’m not in love with you”

“I’ve changed”

“I want to find me”

All these views and emotions feel real to them.

The question is “What was the trigger?”

This is unique to them.  There is no one answer.  No definitive list.  However, there are similarities.  Understanding the triggers is an essential part of helping the couple understand why they are now in this crisis place.

Discovering the trigger or triggers gives both individuals the chance to understand and “find” themselves whilst remaining in the relationship and then grow that relationship.  In many cases making it better than it’s ever been before.

Not all relationships are meant to survive but so many can and should.  The problem is that from a place of unhappiness, hurt, boredom, anger, frustration or feeling lost and confused it’s impossible to see how to recreate passion and happiness.

To anyone contemplating separating I would say give yourselves the chance to find out why you truly want to.  Find out what you really want and need for yourself and in life, and how you could each ensure you meet those needs for yourselves and for each other.  Then and only then decide.

Breaking up is hard to do

Much harder than you imagine.  Don’t become one of those couples who years later look back and wish they hadn’t when it’s too late to undo the past.