A fingers-crossed approach rarely works

Many couples in crisis often adopt a fingers-crossed approach to their issues. This is almost like playing roulette with their relationship as they are not taking any new action to resolve the issues but hoping the problems will miraculously disappear. So my question to you today is Are you adopting this fingers-crossed approach? If you are, then do you really believe that your issues will be resolved by doing what you have done in the past? You see your past actions (which I am sure … [Read more...]

Unhappiness is exhausting

So often couples end up in crisis as they have exhausted themselves going over and over the same issues, again and again, using the same behaviours that got them to their crisis in the first place. Most don't understand the deeper causes of their problems. So without any extra knowledge, they continue to use the same behaviours and methods of communication. They have each tired themselves out hunting for answers and only get more frustrated with each other. Now from this place they … [Read more...]

Is your perspective of your partner valid?

Many of the couples I see are stuck in a cycle of bad communication, loss of passion and a feeling that their future together looks bleak. at best.  They want to improve their future but have the wrong perspective of who their partner is and how they operate, which, by the way,  will be fundamentally different from their own. Many are in a cycle of blame.  They blame each other and, in their minds, it's all the other person's fault. However, they also want: To be closer to each … [Read more...]

Check in with your emotional responses and triggers

We all have emotional responses to situations or actions by others.  This is normal.  However, have you ever noticed that some people's responses can seem, to you either 'over-reactive' or, alternatively, far better than yours? How you react to a situation is unique to you. You will have created emotional responses to situations throughout your life.  Some will have been created early on,  maybe to protect you from, say, being teased, or to keep you safe from a harsh environment at home or … [Read more...]

How do you talk to yourself?

For this week's post, I want you to consider how you talk to yourself.  We all do by the way! We think problems through by using an internal dialogue to solve things. However, the language we use can either help or hinder us through this process. How do you talk to yourself? It is so easy to hinder or stop yourself from taking action. If you habitually find yourself thinking  "I can never solve this" or "They will never change"  or "I am always wrong"  etc ( I could go on giving a … [Read more...]