Facing the truth about your marriage issues

Today I am reposting an article I wrote several years ago on the emotional stages you need to go through to take action. I have done this as I see many couples are suffering today with relationship issues which have been exacerbated by lockdown and the ongoing restrictions we are facing during this pandemic. The Emotional Stages you need to experience as you invest in your marriage and resolve your Marriage Crisis Just to be clear before I get into this post I refer throughout to marriage … [Read more...]

Emotionally shutting yourself down is not a solution

Emotionally shutting yourself down is not a solution in a relationship which is in crisis.  It may feel the right thing to do as it removes the hurt and pain you've been experiencing.  However, if you close yourself down you have also put up a barrier between you and your partner.  Now connection will struggle. I see many clients who tell me they feel nothing.  No love for their partner, no love or feelings for their family.  "Nothing much at all really" Because if you close down the pain … [Read more...]

How you talk to yourself can have a big impact on you

Today I would like you to think about the words you use when you're talking to yourself.  We all do talk to ourselves. When we think through an issue or a problem or just how the day is going we use words. The words we use play a big part in how we feel and what state we're in at any given moment.  So do you use words that will help you or do you use words which may hinder you? For example: If you find you're feeling angry over something, you can start to feed yourself words to describe … [Read more...]

Take charge of your emotional responses

How do you react when your partner is cross? Is your immediate response to defend your own actions or do you take a moment to translate their words - not from your own perspective but from theirs? Are you master of your emotional responses or a slave to them? Many clients I see have created negative emotional responses which are not serving them.  They can be triggered by past events, how they learnt to respond from their parents and their basic character.  Many of these responses were … [Read more...]

Breaking up IS hard to do

As Neil Sedaka sang in 1960  - Breaking up is hard to do. Couples facing this possibility will experience many conflicting emotions and behaviours.  It is rare that both will be on the same page at the same time. What neither may be aware of is that the emotional pain of separating is likely to outstrip the financial one by some considerable margin. By the way, if one partner has decided to leave it is almost impossible for the other to convince them to stay.  The more one says "I love … [Read more...]