Are you withholding the one thing you want?

When a couple is in crisis it is highly likely that one or both of them will have created behaviours to protect themselves from emotional pain.

For couples who come to see me my role is to help them see what they are doing to themselves, to each other, and so to their relationship.

So my question to you today is

“Are you withholding the one thing you want?”

For instance if Kindness is important to you but you are now not being kind to your partner then you are breaking your belief in Kindness.  Now you are not being true to you.  You may find yourself blaming your partner for not being kind to you but you are also behaving in the same way.

So often couples get stuck in the “If he/she is doing this to me then I’ll do the same back”.  My question here is “What does this achieve!”

Withholding rarely works

We do it to keep safe – self-protection.  This may feel right in the moment but long-term you have now created a barrier between you both.  It is also difficult to feel love from this place.  It is very difficult to open yourself up to Love if you have shut yourself down.  Once this happens you are heading for crisis.  This is why I am frequently told “I no longer love him/her but I do care”.

Misunderstandings lead to withholding

Men and women communicate very differently, because their needs are different – in the context of a relationship.  I help and teach couples to understand what each needs from the relationship and how those needs need to be met for them as individuals.  From here the couple begin to understand their role for each other which opens them up to growth and a new path.

So often it is not what they originally believed.

The window of opportunity

There is not a huge window of opportunity to put things right.  The time frame for opening yourself up and seeing how you can resolve your issues and then build your relationship to being close again (often closer than it ever was before) is not that long.  If you allow your relationship to suffer for too long it can be impossible to retrieve.

When I see couples for their first few sessions it is very rare that both of them will be in the same place emotionally.  It can appear they have opposing goals.  However this frequently changes drastically when they see opportunities for a better exciting future together.

Even though one of you may feel the relationship is over it may not be.  Your belief may be based on misunderstandings and confusion.  You may end up leaving for the wrong reasons.

My job is to guide you both to the right future for you based on the right knowledge.

If you are in crisis right now then give yourself a New Year’s present of finding out your own truth.

2019 could be far, far better than you could possibly imagine right now.