Are you in charge of your emotions?

My question to you today is “Are you in charge of your emotions?”.  Many of my clients respond “Yes” when I ask them this!  And quite understandably they believe they are.

But we create our emotions based on our interpretation of events.  Frequently this can be a ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to something someone has said or done and without any clue of their intention behind their words or actions.

So are you absolutely sure of their true intent?

Many couples do not take time to find out the true intent of their partner. They assume they know they’re right with their interpretation and so don’t take the steps to truly understand or check.

So are you assuming your partner’s intent in a conflict situation is bad?  If so you as a couple will go round and round in circles misunderstanding each other’s intent and now blaming each other or getting frustrated, angry, hurt, upset or many other negative emotions.  All of which you have each created for yourselves.

This can then escalate to each of you watching the other for signals and behaviours which remind you of past issues and so confirming that the relationship is wrong.  Neither of you has taken time to see the issue from the other person’s point of view or perspective.  This is, in fact, rather immature.  There is a good chance you wouldn’t behave like this in your job.  But so many couples believe that their soul-mate should understand them at such a deep level that explanation shouldn’t be necessary. Relationships should just work – right!


For a relationship to work and maintain a deep level of connection both of you need to work at understanding each other and how you each interpret each other.

If you are in charge of your emotions then make sure you are in charge and become curious about your partner’s view and their emotional triggers.  If you let your emotions run riot then you are not in charge and you will only see the problem from your own perspective.

This will not give you the relationship you want – long term.

If you want to get out of your own emotional ‘hamster wheel’ and discover how to give yourselves the opportunity for a different outcome then come and see me and start learning how to grow your relationship to a new level.