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A fingers-crossed approach rarely works

Many couples in crisis often adopt a fingers-crossed approach to their issues.

This is almost like playing roulette with their relationship as they are not taking any new action to resolve the issues but hoping the problems will miraculously disappear.

So my question to you today is

Are you adopting this fingers-crossed approach?

If you are, then do you really believe that your issues will be resolved by doing what you have done in the past?

You see your past actions (which I am sure were well-intentioned at the time) have got you to where you are today.  So continuing to do what you’ve always done is highly likely to give you more of what you’ve always had.  If that has been good then you’ve clearly been doing the right things.  If however, your relationship is showing signs of strain then the chances are you need to change what you’ve been doing.

This applies to both of you.

If one of you is demanding the other changes then you are not taking joint responsibility.

Take joint responsibility

Joint responsibility for your relationship is essential if you are going to thrive as a couple.  If you do this then you each become emotionally invested in your situation without blaming the other for their behaviours.

This requires a leap of faith and a new focus.  A focus on the future rather than the past.  Part of this focus has to be on understanding and correctly interpreting each other’s actions and communication styles.  Men and women communicate very differently within a relationship. For many it is an eye-opener when each discovers how off-the-mark they have been in the past.

Invest in your future

For some it only takes a few sessions to put them back-on-track, for others it’s a few more.  There is no hard and fast rule and it’s not a race.

My suggestion is you trade in your fingers-crossed approach and find out now how to give yourselves a fun future and how to reconnect with each other.