Your beliefs are important

Without being completely aware of all the why, when or how, we have all created beliefs as we have grown into adults. They are important.  They form part of the structure of how we deal with life.

Your beliefs are important

However your partner’s beliefs are equally important and valid to them too.

The problem is that unless you take time to understand your partner’s beliefs then it can be confusing to discover that they can, and often will, see life differently to you.

It can be very frustrating that your partner seems to dig in over things you think are trivial and trivialise the things that really matter to you!

Add to this the fact that men and women ‘work’ differently and the opportunities to get lost , feel unheard or misunderstood, and to believe that you are both no longer compatible are massive.

People’s beliefs can be incredibly strong and, quite naturally, they will cling to them with determination.   As I said above our beliefs help us be who we are.  But a belief is only created by past learnings. Either through being taught or by incidents in the past.

For example, a belief can be created in an instant.  A child can be nipped by a dog she bends down to pat.  In that instant she can create a belief that all dogs are dangerous.  This can stay with her for her entire life – or until she decides to challenge her belief.

If the belief is strong enough, she can even pass it on to her children.  So, in this example, they may now grow up believing all dogs are dangerous – with no real proof as to why.

Being open to changing your beliefs to other more empowering possibilities creates choice and raises the standards you give to yourself.  It takes courage but courage in a good way, because being open to discussion and exchange of ideas – or beliefs – gives you both growth, respect and honesty.

Your partner may not see things the way you do – so rather than being irritated and taking that as a criticism – embrace it and look at it as an opportunity to learn about their world and so grow together.

Many couples who come to see me have ended up in crisis because they have created beliefs about each other which need to be resolved.  They do not understand each other’s beliefs so have individually created new beliefs to make sense of what is happening.  Frequently these beliefs convince them they are not compatible.  However deep down they know parting is not what they want.

The couples who come to see me with a determination to learn are the ones who get the results that are right for them.  These results are based on a deeper understanding of each other.  From this point, in the calm safety of my sessions, gives them the opportunity to make the right choices for their future.