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You can’t make your partner change

So often I am contacted by someone who wants me to ‘make their partner change’.    I can’t do this!  And you can’t make your partner change either. No-one can.  They are the only one who can do that. What I can do is help the individual find out their part in the crisis and then help them.

This frequently has the result they desire.

Why?

Well if you change your behaviour and the way you respond to a difficult situation then your partner will very likely respond differently.

By taking responsibility for your focus and state in the relationship you are helping your partner respond differently. You are helping them change. If you cling to the “I won’t change my behviour until they change theirs” you are creating a no win.

What you want – what we all want – is a win-win.

How do you change and get the win-win you want?

My sessions are focused on helping you understand your part in your relationship.  This applies when I see couples as well as individuals.  It’s so important that each of you takes responsibility for the situation you find yourselves in.  By becoming the best you can be you both are able to be the best for each other.  This is where change happens.  Positive change.

Couples in crisis get lost in self-protection.  Being right.  Not willing to give…..  None of these will bring them back together.  None of these give them the win-win they want.

By learning why they are where they are and then learning the tools to help them how to respond differently and so out of the endless loop of arguments, feeling unloved and unheard, they gain the confidence to come together in times of crisis, to hear each other and to give protection and love.

This just one of the tools I teach my clients.