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Will you be lonely this Christmas?

My question to you today is “Will you be lonely this Christmas?”

One of the loneliest places a person can be is in a relationship which isn’t working.  In fact someone in a relationship with problems can feel more isolated and lonely than someone living on their own.

That feeling that no-one understands you or hears you in the way you need to be heard can be incredibly isolating.  To counteract these feelings some will create a version of themselves which either masks their reality or creates a barrier against any more pain.  People in this place can become masters of disguise by turning on a version of themselves who outwardly appears to be the life and soul of the party or someone who displays total indifference or withdraws into a corner – watching from the sidelines.  The intensity of the pain they are experiencing will create these coping strategies but leave the person feeling even more isolated than before.  In the end a person in this place can become numb to all feelings.

The problem is now this person is not living in their true authentic self. Life feels wrong but they don’t know why.  They may feel safe protecting themselves as releasing their true feelings and behaviours seems even more scary.  Better to keep a lid on life rather than discover what they’ve shut down.

By shutting down a person not only closes out the pain, they also close out the love.  Not just for those around them but for themselves as well.

The need to be understood is a fundamental need in us all. We want to be appreciated and loved for who we are rather than who someone thinks we should be.  If we are not understood then we can feel lost and hurt and very, very lonely.

Is there a solution?

Yes of course there is!  In fact there are several!

One is to find out how you wish to be understood, loved, appreciated and acknowledged – as a  first step.  Then, together,  learning how to meet your partner’s same needs.

So give yourself the best Christmas present yet and find out how to take your Relationship to a place where you are connected and can both live in your true authentic selves – so by this time next year you won’t be facing another lonely Christmas.

Christmas Couple