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Who is most important to you?

My question today is “Who is most important to you in your home?”

When I ask this question in my sessions I’m frequently told – the children!

So if you feel less important to your partner than your children how does that make you feel.

A husband told me recently that he felt ‘the bottom of the heap’  in the ‘pecking order’ and by that he meant after the dog.

A wife told me a few months ago she was less important to her husband than the children, his hobby (running) and the lawn-mower!  Except when he wanted sex then she was important for a short space of time!

Being the most important person to your partner is vital

You did not enter into your relationship for any other reason than to be together.

However over time family, work or hobbies can take-over and now the relationship starts to suffer.  It is important to see the warning signs and take action before it is too late.  The window for rescuing a failing marriage can, in many cases, be relatively small.

Start by asking yourself some questions:

Ladies – who do you turn to for help?  If it isn’t your partner then why?  Your man needs to feel he can solve your problems, look after you, protect you and cherish you.  If he hasn’t been doing so recently, or in the past, either because you haven’t let him or he hasn’t managed to, then he needs to be encouraged to do so, so he can prove his masculinity to himself as well as you. This will equal growth for him.  He may feel rather daunted but that is no bad thing.  He will feel great when he succeeds and becomes the man of the household, and you will feel great too when you see your man doing what he’s designed to do – to be a man.

Many women turn to friends, family (especially parents) in difficult times and look to them for help, care or advice, but that’s not what you’re in a relationship for.

Women have a strong built-in need to care and look after others, so a word of caution here to those who run to help a girlfriend or family member.  By doing so you could be emasculating the husband and stifling his opportunities for growth.  This will have a knock-on effect on the growth of the marriage as now there are other people in the relationship solving, caring and protecting.  He may now feel useless, not important or not needed.

So what should you do, ladies, if your help is requested or you feel you should get involved.  Well unless the situation is critical or life-threatening the answer is say “No” and be strong and stay away.

Tough I know but essential for those you care about.

Men –  The above advice to the women is worth reading in case you find yourself seeking help from those outside your marriage.  But, more importantly if you do find yourself caught up with family or friends involving themselves with your life, then you need to stand firm and stop them – even if it’s your own family! By being strong you are being who you are supposed to be – the protector and cherisher and so she will look to you to care for her in times of trouble and not turn to others.   This will give you both the chance to create a stronger bond and so you’ll grow together.  You will make mistakes – like everyone does – but you’ll be learning together in your own way and this will give your marriage the growth it needs.

Creating a new Dynamic

If you are stuck and can’t find a way to create a dynamic where you each become the most important person in your home then now is an essential time to find out how to do this.

If you want to learn how then please get in contact.