When trust is an issue – how do you solve your problem?

Time and time again couples tell me they no longer trust their partner.

Trust has many meanings in a relationship.

  • Do I trust my partner to be honest and faithful?
  • Can I trust them to be there for me come what may?
  • Do I trust them to understand me?

When your relationship is in crisis time and again one or both of you are likely to talk about a lack of trust.

My question to you today is: “Do you trust how you’re feeling right now?”

If a person feels bad in a relationship, it can seem logical to attach their bad feelings to the relationship.  In a way they are blaming the relationship for feeling bad.  They may well acknowledge their part in the collapse of the relationship, but what if it isn’t the relationship’s fault.  What if the person (maybe you) is creating these bad feelings within themselves by their own actions, behaviours or beliefs.

Understand your feelings

We all need to make sense of the feelings we have and to find a reason for those feelings.  However if your ‘mission’ to resolve your feelings is the wrong ‘mission’ then you are likely to come up with the wrong answer.

What we focus on is what we get, so if we set out to look for lack of trust then that’s what we’ll find.

Is your ‘mission’ to find reasons not to trust your partner?

Many people in a low emotional state hunt for information to back up how they feel and, often, as a result start to feel even worse. They don’t know why this is happening but, without consciously realising it, they start to close down their feelings for their partner.  They do this to protect themselves from more emotional pain.

Their feelings are totally real to them.  From this place of self-protection they see no hope for the future of the relationship.  After all if what the future is going to give them is more of the same, or worse, then they believe they have no choice.

Find you what your needs are

Emotional pain is created in an individual when a specific need is not being met.  Most people don’t understand what their needs are and how they need them to be met, so are unable to communicate their needs to their partner.  Their partner can then feel bewildered, resentful and defensive in their attempt to ‘put things right’.  This frequently has the effect of making matters worse as the one in pain feels mis-understood and so closes down even more.

The downward spiral is now escalating.

Finally a point is reached when one partner decides to leave the relationship believing they trust how they feel and can’t feel any other way.

Trust is built on understandings

Not all relationships can be saved but the vast majority can be.  And by saved I mean to a place of deep understanding and connection.

It’s down to the couple to decide not to trust how they feel right now and to learn and discover how to connect with their true identity so they can reconnect with each other from the core place of understanding who they are, what their needs are and trusting themselves from this place of clarity.

Find out how to build trust

If you would like to learn more then please get in contact before it’s too late.

Click here to find out how to book a session with me.