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To succeed become fearless in your goal to succeed

The couples who succeed in creating a new close connection are the ones who become fearless in their goal to succeed.

Fear is a great driver in humans.  In days gone by it kept us safe:  Fear caused us to run from predators amongst other things.

But what happens when fear becomes all consuming and doesn’t allow us to take action?

Fear has won.  The goal to succeed has been lost

Many couples I see in my sessions are struggling to be connected at a deeper level because one of them is attempting to control the environment to such an extent that the other feels stifled and unable to be themselves.  The partner who is ‘controlling’ is often living in fear that unless they control as much of their environment as they can they will feel unsafe, insecure and, in some cases, very scared.  They believe that controlling it will keep them safe and secure.  In fact what happens is they lose the very security they want as their partner finally gets so fed up they look for ways to escape.

What neither couple probably understands is that most controlling behaviour is due to fear.   In many cases the behaviour was initially created to keep the person safe and was absolutely necessary at the time.  The problem is the person has hung on to the behaviour long after it was needed.

To succeed you must become fearless in your goal

The couples who succeed in overcoming fear are the ones who put growth first.  They learn how to understand their fear and use it in a positive way.

I work with many couples to help them understand what is going on and with each of them to understand how they can change their behaviour, and keep themselves safe.

This opens up the relationship to new choices and understandings.  From here we work to discover if the couple have a future where both can be who they were designed to be and also a team together where the future is exciting.